Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
