how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
