So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
