we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
