I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
