What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't turn off my feet"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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