K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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