It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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