i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize