They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
