Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
