Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
