The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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