I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
