She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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