When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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