i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
