do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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