your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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