We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
