First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
