Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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