Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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