Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize