Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
