this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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