There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
