Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
