i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
