Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
