We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
