my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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