when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
