And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
