On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
