If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
