got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
