just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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