life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
