google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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