Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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