just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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