Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
