the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
