I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
