it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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