it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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