I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Randomize
