He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
