listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
