I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There are leaves in my underwear?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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