The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
