I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
