Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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