the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize