Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
