I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am one with the molecules
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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