Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
