i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You may now shotgun with the bride
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
