I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sext me about skeletons
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
