Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
