Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
