just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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