I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
