Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
