what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Send help, water and tortillas.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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