um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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