I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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