I just made out with a guy for $7.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
