Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
