I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
