I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
