Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
