I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
