I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize