Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
