The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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