I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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