that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
