I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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