Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
