why didn't you poke me back
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
