My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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