Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
