No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
