My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
