you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
