Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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