I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize