tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
