it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
