fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize