She announced her abortion via fbk
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
