I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
