Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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