I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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