Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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