god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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