i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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