As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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