Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
